un-Jazzy Life

"I am stuck for the nth time in this rut". I used to say between curses, looking above as if to blame something, someone. My teeth grinding in dismay over calculated loopholes and unmerciful dissapointments and suddenly realizing there's no one, or nothing to point my fingers to, but me. That's when I break into my crooked smile, my tongue caressing my rotten front tooth, and heaving a big sigh, I mimic Buble' -- "That's Life", this is.
That's when it hit me. This thing called life, is just too big for me to dissect and compress into formulas influenced by authors emotionally detached or intellectually unnerving. That's when I slowly come to my senses, this is never meant to be published before it's written, that's when I am humbled beyond the same lines of defeat and recognition. I give up.
Sigh.
I give up, on thinking too much, trying to hold on things that was not there in the first place. I give up on being too far fetched with my crooked ideas, with my day clear fantasies, with my obsession with anything and everything prosical and beautifully vague. I give up on giving up.
With fist on my chest, I may start plucking those strings instead of hooting that sax.